I thought today I would share a blog post I wrote in my journal in July of 2015. There's nothing profound here, just a follower of Christ expressing what is currently creating tension and stress in her life.
. . .Why am I sharing my spritiual struggles on a blog? Because life continues to get more complicated. I have difficulty knowing what I believe, making up my mind and knowing that what I believe is in line with God's thinking.
In just the past few months, I've seen gay marriage legalized, people in a Charleston, South Carolina church shot dead because they were black. Now South Carolina took down the confederate flag. It has pleased some people and infuriated others and all of this is so stressful. These are only a few examples of things that are going on....
End of my journal post.
Though I didn't say this in my journal post, I will add that I am sharing my struggles publicly because I am convinced there are others who might feel just as torn. So it is to give permission to struggle and to know we are not alone. We don't have to have everything neatly tied up in a bundle.
I will also add that since this entry other stressors for me include the argument to take the conferate flag off of NC license plates, the arrest of a court clerk Kim Davis who, despite the legalization of gay marriage, refuses to issue marriage licences to gays because she believes it is morally wrong. She has since been released from jail and her release became an occasion to make a political statement by Senator Mike Huckabee who has presidential aspirations. His statement "God's laws are above the laws of a nation.," gets cheers from the conservative right and raises ire from more liberal parties. Now Huckabees group is being sued by the band who produced the song played in the background during the release press conference
Add to that that this is the anniversary of 9/11 and I can't even look at the photos of the event because they are so disturbing to me. And we have quote unquote Christians calling for action against radical Islamic groups because they think retaliation and force is the answer.
What a mess we make of things. On social media we flaunt our beliefs, baiting and enticing others to disagree with our stance, like egging someone on to a fight. We take an arrogant "I am right and you are so off the mark attitude." How can we be so arrogant and sure? This danger of over confidence and infallibility is what leads to friction and eventually to violence and wars.
What do I believe about these issues and concerns?
If I put my true thoughts in this blog post will I be blasted by different parties who believe differently? Will they call me a liberal, a conservative, or a biggot? I want to get along with everyone, but if I hold to my beliefs where does that put me? By trying to be a peacemaker, am I selling out? Some would say I am and yet Jesus said, "Blessed are the peacemakers."
Do I have answers. Yes. Some. What I don't want to do is cave into popular beliefs held by the bulk of society. Just because the bulk of the majority believes they are right, are they? The spiritual journey and wrangling with what is right continues. It's certainly not getting any easier.